By the word "Cyber-Dominance", I mean the art of consensually dominating submissives in the Cyberspace.
I've searched the net for any conceptualisation of that emerging pratice but couldn't find any BDSM-relevant use of that word "Cyber-Dominance", so I will claim the invention of that term should it become the standard one used to design the online practice of Dominance.
At the contrary, the word "Cyber-Dominant" seems to have gained some popularity and is mostly used to scorn the people like me who explore online the Dominant side of D/S without any prior direct experience of RL D/S.
That contempt that many RL lifestylers and kinskters have for Cyber-Dominants is understandable and partially justified, as indeed the anonymous nature of the net allows many users and wannabees to pose themselves as Dominants just to lure naive newbie submissives, and that situation cause a lot of emotional damages from what I have seen around me in Second Life.
Nevertheless I want to claim back that "Cyber-Dominant" title in a positive way, by defining a responsable conception of Cyber-Dominance, the same way that sexually free women claimed back positively the word "slut" by defining an ethic of sexual freedom.
Please believe me, not all Cyber-Dominants are fake or uncaring persons, many of them look for a real long-distance D/S connection with all the responsabilities that it implies.
As far as I know, Cyber-Dominance as a new practice is born during the 90's in IRC chatrooms and at that time it was only textual interaction.
With the apparition of 3D Virtual Worlds like Second Life, Cyber-Dominance has the opportunity to take a new dimension as you can add avatar interaction to the good old textual interaction, and even voice interaction too if you wish so.
To make an analogy, Cyber-Dominance is to RL Dominance what Cybersex is to physical sex : a new way to practice despise long-distance a specific activity, using the cyberspace as medium.
Cybersex can be practiced two ways : under the form of just the storytelling and roleplaying of a fantasy scene, or like a dynamic interaction using kinky text/voice descriptions and dialogs as support for individual masturbation the other side of the screen and often concluding in real orgasms.
My preference goes clearly to the second possibility, and in that case it can be considered in my view like a form of long-distance sex.
It's the same for Cyber-D/S : ever you just roleplay it and that's fine as long all people involved know it's just roleplay, or you try to do it seriously with the goal of experiencing together real feelings of Dominance and Submission.
Most Cyber-Submissives I have met look for a real experience in submission, and not for jusr roleplay, so please be honest with them about if you only want to roleplay Dominance for the thrill of it, or if at the contrary you aim to establish a real relationship of D/S type with them.
In that second case only I will speak of Cyber-Dominance rather than of Roleplay.
In my opinion, Cyber-Dominance is a new way to practice D/S, quite similar in many aspects to the much older way called Phone Dominance and seems to be working on the same dynamics than RL Dominance.
D/S is about the mental connection that gets in place between two real people and the Cyberspace is just a medium to etablish that connection.
However I will never insist enough on the many differences that exist between Cyber-Dominance and RL Dominance, those two ways to practice Dominance are akin but have distinct specificities and transitionning from one to another is complex.
For example, all the physical aspect are missing in Cyber-Dominance and the Dominance doesn't go through body langage and eye contact, but through other means.
Cyber-Dominance, at the contrary is focused on the mental, verbal and interpersonal aspects of D/S, as the core of submission is in the soul of the submissive, not in what happens to her RL body.
When I order in SL my submissives to strip down naked, they don't roleplay obeying, they make the volontary choice to remove the clothes of their avatar. Thanks the 3D visual, I have the immediate proof on my screen of their obedience.
An order is given and followed, that's real Dominance and Submission even if just for an online scene.
In the end, I believe that the qualities needed to be a good Cyber-Dominant are the same than for a RL Dominant : Honesty, Care, Responsability, Trustworthiness, Self-Control, Strong Personality, Communication skills and the Natural Authority that Wisdom inspires.
Let's us, Cyber-Dominants, behave with ethics and honor to prove everyone that we ain't all fakes and wannabees, so we gain better acceptation by the rest of the BDSM community.
We have a moral duty to take good care of our subs, like if they were in our care in RL. We're all real persons with real feelings that can be hurt, at the end of the day.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Change of Era : new responsabilities and new projects !
As my RL is cooling down and allowing me more personal time to be on SL, it's time for me to re-activate this blog, especially considering all the new responsabilities and projects in-world that have fallen on my shoulders since my last post on this blog...
Part 1: Unexpected earthquake in early November
My friend Sir Damned, owner of the Supreme Fetishist, and the charming Crys, owner of our associated place Exit to Eden and CEO appointed by him at the head of the SF, jointly decided to give up on those two places for financial reasons that I totally understand and respect.
Exit to Eden closed, but like the phoenix the SF refused again to die !
My friend Lady Nadiaa, manager like me at SF and an historical figure of the first SF at the time I co-owned it with "The Icon" Genvieve Hutchence, offered to take back the SF and asked me to associate myself to her attempt to save that place we have been calling home for years by now...
Sir Damned nicely accepted without hesitation to give us the club. Even more, him and Crys have been very helpful in making this savatage possible and I thank them immensely for that, from the deep of my wild heart.
Lady Nadiaa and myself negociated a new agreement with our Landlady Angelica, also owner of the two neighbouring places called the RLV Refinery and the BDSM School of Submission, and a dear friend of mine.
Angelica generously allowed us to stay on the SF parcel and helped us with her building skills to make some changes to the place, she deserves huge thanks too for her precious and permanent support.
Despise being both quite busy in RL at that time, Lady Nadiaa and myself sort of succeeded to keep the SF afloat and we are now strongly on the rise with more than 650 members in the SF group and 5 party events each week at the present day.
Part 2 : Holidays are over, back to school !
End of January, I had the idea to offer Angelica to manage the BDSM School of Submission in her behalf and in association with the SF, as the place was closed since last summer for reorganization and she didn't had the time anymore to run it.
She trusted me enough to accept my plan and made me the huge honor to appoint me Director of that so useful educational place she had created back in 2007. It took me a few months to assemble a team of competent teachers, but the place was obviously missed and our classes quickly attracted a good audience.
Teaching at that school had brought me great joy and allowed me to meet lots of interesting people whose inputs were making my classes even more enlightening for all of us, and I am immensely glad to see it back on track. Thanks again, Angie sweetie, for trusting me !
So I'm now Co-Owner of the Supreme Fetishist BDSM Club and Director of the BDSM School of Submission, making the two places work hand in hand and full of projects for the future...
Exhausting, but so stimulating !
Part 1: Unexpected earthquake in early November
My friend Sir Damned, owner of the Supreme Fetishist, and the charming Crys, owner of our associated place Exit to Eden and CEO appointed by him at the head of the SF, jointly decided to give up on those two places for financial reasons that I totally understand and respect.
Exit to Eden closed, but like the phoenix the SF refused again to die !
My friend Lady Nadiaa, manager like me at SF and an historical figure of the first SF at the time I co-owned it with "The Icon" Genvieve Hutchence, offered to take back the SF and asked me to associate myself to her attempt to save that place we have been calling home for years by now...
Sir Damned nicely accepted without hesitation to give us the club. Even more, him and Crys have been very helpful in making this savatage possible and I thank them immensely for that, from the deep of my wild heart.
Lady Nadiaa and myself negociated a new agreement with our Landlady Angelica, also owner of the two neighbouring places called the RLV Refinery and the BDSM School of Submission, and a dear friend of mine.
Angelica generously allowed us to stay on the SF parcel and helped us with her building skills to make some changes to the place, she deserves huge thanks too for her precious and permanent support.
Despise being both quite busy in RL at that time, Lady Nadiaa and myself sort of succeeded to keep the SF afloat and we are now strongly on the rise with more than 650 members in the SF group and 5 party events each week at the present day.
Part 2 : Holidays are over, back to school !
End of January, I had the idea to offer Angelica to manage the BDSM School of Submission in her behalf and in association with the SF, as the place was closed since last summer for reorganization and she didn't had the time anymore to run it.
She trusted me enough to accept my plan and made me the huge honor to appoint me Director of that so useful educational place she had created back in 2007. It took me a few months to assemble a team of competent teachers, but the place was obviously missed and our classes quickly attracted a good audience.
Teaching at that school had brought me great joy and allowed me to meet lots of interesting people whose inputs were making my classes even more enlightening for all of us, and I am immensely glad to see it back on track. Thanks again, Angie sweetie, for trusting me !
So I'm now Co-Owner of the Supreme Fetishist BDSM Club and Director of the BDSM School of Submission, making the two places work hand in hand and full of projects for the future...
Exhausting, but so stimulating !
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Warning
Due to some events in my existence on the material world (some happy ones and some more stressful), my presence on SL and my contribution to this blog have been rather scarce and erratic those last months.
Situation should stay that way at least until the first months of 2011, but I'll try to post some essays here from time to time when inspiration hits me if find time to write down my thoughts...
Situation should stay that way at least until the first months of 2011, but I'll try to post some essays here from time to time when inspiration hits me if find time to write down my thoughts...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Is Second Life a Game ?
When I started Second Life, I believed like many that Second Life was a game, a kind of MMO Sandbox game with no goal...
What a fool I was !
Second Life is a wild new world, like America had been in the centuries following his discovery by Colombus, where people can start anew and even have demigod-like powers (teleportation, flight, instant communication, etc...).
A sort of new continent to live part of your life in, that is a dematerialized extension of the physical world.
You can use your access to this world to do many things, and among them play some of the many great games that have been developped by other users inside Second Life, but according to my experience, Second Life is definitely not a game.
If you don't see it, you don't capture the essence and potential of this fascinating new place.
A real society has grown there, where you can have real friendships/relationships, see real art, get real knowledge, listen to real musicians, even earn real money if you work very hard and have the rare luck to be gifted with a successful business in this extremely competitive place : Second Life is a real and thriving world.
People manipulate avatars inside Second Life, not fantasy characters like in a video game. What is an avatar ?
The word "avatar" comes from the sanskrit and was designating the earthly incarnations of the Hindu god Vishnu, his projections amongst humans.
Your avatar in Second Life is a pixelized projection of you, an in-world body that your brain control through your fingers, like he controls your flesh body in the physical world through your muscles.
Of course, you are free to spend all your time in Second life playing games, but similarily to what happens when you spend all your free time having fun on your game console in the material world instead of doing other things, you then miss your chance to really discover the wonderful people out there and to build yourself a great social life, burying yourself in entertaining but futile games...
Even worse, there is people who see life as a game, both in Second Life and in the physical realm : to them people are pawns to reach their selfish goals and they don't care about the damages they do.
We have a world for them : players.
Don't confuse players and roleplayers however. A responsable roleplayer is playing the part of his character only in the context of a consensually-shared fantasy story with other roleplayers, he is not roleplaying his life outside of it and is lucid enough to know when to get out of his character to be just himself.
There's a lot of sim devoted to roleplay in Second Life.
Being myself as an experienced table roleplayer, I can testify that I have seen a lot more of quality roleplay in them than in any of the numerous MMORPGs I have tried before where people are more focused on killing monsters to gain experience points than paying attention to staying in character, but that's not the subject of this post.
Players are the people who, outside of any roleplay context where everyone is aware that everyone else is playing a role, pretend to be what they are not, lie about themselves to the people they meet, make false promises to get what they want, fake emotions to manipulate you. To them, you are game...
It's wise to stay away from them and give preferently your time and attention to the other people who are real, honest and sincere.
Especially in the D/S context where emotions can run deep and honesty is key in the success of a long-term connection, players are to be avoided at all cost or you'll get hurt.
Life is not a game, Second life isn't either.
Period.
What a fool I was !
Second Life is a wild new world, like America had been in the centuries following his discovery by Colombus, where people can start anew and even have demigod-like powers (teleportation, flight, instant communication, etc...).
A sort of new continent to live part of your life in, that is a dematerialized extension of the physical world.
You can use your access to this world to do many things, and among them play some of the many great games that have been developped by other users inside Second Life, but according to my experience, Second Life is definitely not a game.
If you don't see it, you don't capture the essence and potential of this fascinating new place.
A real society has grown there, where you can have real friendships/relationships, see real art, get real knowledge, listen to real musicians, even earn real money if you work very hard and have the rare luck to be gifted with a successful business in this extremely competitive place : Second Life is a real and thriving world.
People manipulate avatars inside Second Life, not fantasy characters like in a video game. What is an avatar ?
The word "avatar" comes from the sanskrit and was designating the earthly incarnations of the Hindu god Vishnu, his projections amongst humans.
Your avatar in Second Life is a pixelized projection of you, an in-world body that your brain control through your fingers, like he controls your flesh body in the physical world through your muscles.
Of course, you are free to spend all your time in Second life playing games, but similarily to what happens when you spend all your free time having fun on your game console in the material world instead of doing other things, you then miss your chance to really discover the wonderful people out there and to build yourself a great social life, burying yourself in entertaining but futile games...
Even worse, there is people who see life as a game, both in Second Life and in the physical realm : to them people are pawns to reach their selfish goals and they don't care about the damages they do.
We have a world for them : players.
Don't confuse players and roleplayers however. A responsable roleplayer is playing the part of his character only in the context of a consensually-shared fantasy story with other roleplayers, he is not roleplaying his life outside of it and is lucid enough to know when to get out of his character to be just himself.
There's a lot of sim devoted to roleplay in Second Life.
Being myself as an experienced table roleplayer, I can testify that I have seen a lot more of quality roleplay in them than in any of the numerous MMORPGs I have tried before where people are more focused on killing monsters to gain experience points than paying attention to staying in character, but that's not the subject of this post.
Players are the people who, outside of any roleplay context where everyone is aware that everyone else is playing a role, pretend to be what they are not, lie about themselves to the people they meet, make false promises to get what they want, fake emotions to manipulate you. To them, you are game...
It's wise to stay away from them and give preferently your time and attention to the other people who are real, honest and sincere.
Especially in the D/S context where emotions can run deep and honesty is key in the success of a long-term connection, players are to be avoided at all cost or you'll get hurt.
Life is not a game, Second life isn't either.
Period.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Back in Blogosphere !
My apologies to the few readers of this blog, I was on holidays for part of May and too busy catching up on things after I came back from those holidays to write here.
It's calming down and I have some subjects in mind that I want to develop here soon, stay tuned !
It's calming down and I have some subjects in mind that I want to develop here soon, stay tuned !
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
SL Jobs and D/S Etiquette
A newly-made friend, who is an experienced RL submissive, complained to me about how she had been refused a job (in which she had already a quite serious practice and some talent, if I am to believe her) in a SL BDSM place for the only motive that she was a Sub and that only Doms could do that job there.
The only job she was offered instead was greeter, a job that mainly consist in staying kneeled all day long greeting Dom/me visitors adressing them as "Sir/Miss" ,and she felt undervalued... I'm sorry for her but I have a few thoughts on that I'd like to share here.
Name of the place and the person won't be disclosed in this post to avoid drama and personal attacks, I just want to take that situation as a case study about the difference between RL and SL.
First, I want to say that the owner of that place has totally the right to organize his business that way. As long you don't break the TOS and RL legal laws, you can set the rules you want on your sim and/or upon your staff, people who don't agree can simply leave...
It's quite like the protocols ruling the relationship between a Dom/me and his/her Subs, if you don't like what is asked to you, you can leave and go search for another Dom (in my view it's best to try to negociate first, but some Dom/mes have "My way or the Highway" protocols and systematically refuse to adjust them to you)
If , for marketing reasons for example, you only want Dom/mes in certain functions, you deprive yourself of potential talents (good staff is hard to find and keep) but you are free to do it and it's all benefits for places with more open recrutement policies who wil get those talented workers you don't want.
In RL, that would probably be considered like Discrimination on Sexual orientation basis, but SL jobs are not recognized yet as real jobs, even if you earn RL money from them once you have converted your Lindens in Dollars, and I don't think anything in the TOS applies either.
Anyway, it's not like that everywhere, and I know successful subs in all kind of jobs in the BDSM communauty of SL. In fact, the 3 D/S educational places of SL that I consider the best ones are even ALL owned and managed by Sub women !!
So, if you feel mistreated at your SL workplace because you are a sub, my advice would be to search around and find the places who will value you for what you are as a whole person and won't put you in a box just because you are a Sub... And if you are very picky and don't find one that suits you, build the place of your dreams !
Now let's talk about Kneeling and Titles...
The many Subs I know that have experience with the RL BDSM scene all tell me that in RL you usually only kneel before your own Dom/me (and some don't even ask it, not all Doms and Subs are into kneeling) and use titles like "Sir" or "Miss" only to address people who they know well already and respect the skill at Domming.
Also, kneeling too long is painful in RL and not good for blood circulation. Historically, kneeling is a position used to salute your liege (Knights kneeling to their Lord, Lords to their Kings, Priests to Gods, etc...), not a pose you are supposed to stay in all day...
That sends indeed wrong signals to people discovering D/S in SL and willing to move to RL someday. On the other hand, one of the interesting things of SL is that your avatar doesn't have the same physical limits than your RL material body, so if you wish to stay kneeled all day in SL, you can even if it is not realistic !
Both in RL and SL, when you are expected to perform kneeling and how you address other Dom/mes you meet are normally defined by the private protocol between the Dom and the Sub. But again, Sim Owners are free to enforce the local etiquette rules of their choice and you have only the choice to stay out or abide by them.
Personally, I must confess that I appreciate the small ego boost I get when I see subs I don't know calling me "Sir" and kneeling to salute me, even if I am aware that it is just a commercial marketing gesture to make me feel welcome as a potential client Dom of their sim.
Overall, I like a lot the formal courteous manner that many use to interact with others in the BDSM communauty of SL and I myself usually address more experienced Doms as "Sir/Lady" as a mark of respect...
I really don't mind when people I meet just call me "Renzo" rather than "Sir Renzo", titles are supposed to be earned in BDSM so I totally respect your right to call me that way until I convinced you that I deserve to be called "Sir" in your criterias.
That's just my two cents of an complex problem, any comments please ?
The only job she was offered instead was greeter, a job that mainly consist in staying kneeled all day long greeting Dom/me visitors adressing them as "Sir/Miss" ,and she felt undervalued... I'm sorry for her but I have a few thoughts on that I'd like to share here.
Name of the place and the person won't be disclosed in this post to avoid drama and personal attacks, I just want to take that situation as a case study about the difference between RL and SL.
First, I want to say that the owner of that place has totally the right to organize his business that way. As long you don't break the TOS and RL legal laws, you can set the rules you want on your sim and/or upon your staff, people who don't agree can simply leave...
It's quite like the protocols ruling the relationship between a Dom/me and his/her Subs, if you don't like what is asked to you, you can leave and go search for another Dom (in my view it's best to try to negociate first, but some Dom/mes have "My way or the Highway" protocols and systematically refuse to adjust them to you)
If , for marketing reasons for example, you only want Dom/mes in certain functions, you deprive yourself of potential talents (good staff is hard to find and keep) but you are free to do it and it's all benefits for places with more open recrutement policies who wil get those talented workers you don't want.
In RL, that would probably be considered like Discrimination on Sexual orientation basis, but SL jobs are not recognized yet as real jobs, even if you earn RL money from them once you have converted your Lindens in Dollars, and I don't think anything in the TOS applies either.
Anyway, it's not like that everywhere, and I know successful subs in all kind of jobs in the BDSM communauty of SL. In fact, the 3 D/S educational places of SL that I consider the best ones are even ALL owned and managed by Sub women !!
So, if you feel mistreated at your SL workplace because you are a sub, my advice would be to search around and find the places who will value you for what you are as a whole person and won't put you in a box just because you are a Sub... And if you are very picky and don't find one that suits you, build the place of your dreams !
Now let's talk about Kneeling and Titles...
The many Subs I know that have experience with the RL BDSM scene all tell me that in RL you usually only kneel before your own Dom/me (and some don't even ask it, not all Doms and Subs are into kneeling) and use titles like "Sir" or "Miss" only to address people who they know well already and respect the skill at Domming.
Also, kneeling too long is painful in RL and not good for blood circulation. Historically, kneeling is a position used to salute your liege (Knights kneeling to their Lord, Lords to their Kings, Priests to Gods, etc...), not a pose you are supposed to stay in all day...
That sends indeed wrong signals to people discovering D/S in SL and willing to move to RL someday. On the other hand, one of the interesting things of SL is that your avatar doesn't have the same physical limits than your RL material body, so if you wish to stay kneeled all day in SL, you can even if it is not realistic !
Both in RL and SL, when you are expected to perform kneeling and how you address other Dom/mes you meet are normally defined by the private protocol between the Dom and the Sub. But again, Sim Owners are free to enforce the local etiquette rules of their choice and you have only the choice to stay out or abide by them.
Personally, I must confess that I appreciate the small ego boost I get when I see subs I don't know calling me "Sir" and kneeling to salute me, even if I am aware that it is just a commercial marketing gesture to make me feel welcome as a potential client Dom of their sim.
Overall, I like a lot the formal courteous manner that many use to interact with others in the BDSM communauty of SL and I myself usually address more experienced Doms as "Sir/Lady" as a mark of respect...
I really don't mind when people I meet just call me "Renzo" rather than "Sir Renzo", titles are supposed to be earned in BDSM so I totally respect your right to call me that way until I convinced you that I deserve to be called "Sir" in your criterias.
That's just my two cents of an complex problem, any comments please ?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Blog comments
Hello all,
I've changed the blog settings so that everyone can lay comments on the post and not only registered users as it was initially set. So if you appreciate this blog, you have no more any excuses to not lay comments ! (just click the word "comment" in the blue text at the end of any post to lay a comment on it, it's easy !)
Comments will however still be monitored to keep out rude people and/or personal attacks, as I plan to publish soon some posts about more polemical subjects, that could stir agressive reactions from people disagreeing with my roaring free-minded opinions and getting their hackles up...
I've changed the blog settings so that everyone can lay comments on the post and not only registered users as it was initially set. So if you appreciate this blog, you have no more any excuses to not lay comments ! (just click the word "comment" in the blue text at the end of any post to lay a comment on it, it's easy !)
Comments will however still be monitored to keep out rude people and/or personal attacks, as I plan to publish soon some posts about more polemical subjects, that could stir agressive reactions from people disagreeing with my roaring free-minded opinions and getting their hackles up...
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