SL Jobs and D/S Etiquette

A newly-made friend, who is an experienced RL submissive, complained to me about how she had been refused a job (in which she had  already a quite serious practice and some talent, if I am to believe her) in a  SL BDSM place for the only motive that she was a Sub and that only Doms could do that job there.

The only job she was offered instead was greeter, a job that mainly consist in staying kneeled all day long greeting Dom/me visitors adressing them as "Sir/Miss" ,and she felt undervalued... I'm sorry for her but I have a few thoughts on that I'd like to share here.

Name of the place and the person won't be disclosed in this post to avoid drama and personal attacks, I just want to take that situation as a case study about the difference between RL and SL.

First, I want to say that the owner of that place has totally the right to organize his business that way. As long you don't break the TOS and RL legal laws, you can set the rules you want on your sim and/or upon your staff, people who don't agree can simply leave...

It's quite like the protocols ruling the relationship between a Dom/me and his/her Subs, if you don't like what is asked to you, you can leave and go search for another Dom (in my view it's best to try to negociate first, but some Dom/mes have "My way or the Highway" protocols and systematically refuse to adjust them to you)

If , for marketing reasons for example, you only want Dom/mes in certain functions, you deprive yourself of potential talents (good staff is hard to find and keep) but you are free to do it and it's all benefits for places with more open recrutement policies who wil get those  talented workers you don't want.

In RL, that would probably be considered like Discrimination on Sexual orientation basis, but SL jobs are not recognized yet as real jobs, even if you earn RL money from them once you have converted your Lindens in Dollars, and I don't think anything in the TOS applies either.

Anyway, it's not like that everywhere, and I know successful subs in all kind of jobs in the BDSM communauty of SL. In fact, the 3 D/S educational places of SL that I consider the best ones are even ALL owned and managed by Sub women !!

So, if you feel mistreated at your SL workplace because you are a sub, my advice would be to search around and find the places who will value you for what you are as a whole person and won't put you in a box just because you are a Sub... And if you are very picky and don't find one that suits you, build the place of your dreams !

Now let's talk about Kneeling and Titles...

The many Subs I know that have experience with the RL BDSM scene all tell me that in RL you usually only kneel before your own Dom/me  (and some don't even ask it, not all Doms and Subs are into kneeling) and  use titles like "Sir" or "Miss" only to address people who they know well already and respect the skill at Domming.

Also, kneeling too long is painful in RL and not good for blood circulation. Historically, kneeling is a position used to salute your liege (Knights kneeling to their Lord, Lords to their Kings, Priests to Gods, etc...), not a pose you are supposed to stay in all day...

That sends indeed wrong signals to people discovering D/S in SL and willing to move to RL someday. On the other hand, one of the interesting things of SL is that your avatar doesn't have the same physical limits than your RL material body, so if you wish to stay kneeled all day in SL, you can even if it is not realistic !

Both in RL and SL, when you are expected to perform kneeling and how you address other Dom/mes you meet are normally defined by the  private protocol between the Dom and the Sub. But again, Sim Owners are free to enforce the local etiquette rules of their choice and you have only the choice to stay out or abide by them.

Personally, I must confess that I appreciate the small ego boost I get when I see subs I don't know calling me "Sir" and kneeling to salute me, even if I am aware that it is just a commercial marketing gesture to make me feel welcome as a potential client Dom of their sim.

Overall, I like a lot the formal courteous manner that many use to interact with others in the BDSM communauty of SL and I myself usually address more experienced Doms as "Sir/Lady" as a mark of respect...

I really don't mind when people I meet just call me "Renzo" rather than "Sir Renzo", titles are supposed to be earned in BDSM so  I totally respect your right  to call me that way until I  convinced you   that I deserve to be called "Sir" in your criterias.

That's just my two cents of an complex problem, any comments please ?

Blog comments

Hello all,

I've changed the blog settings so that everyone can lay comments on the post and not only registered users as it was initially set. So if you appreciate this blog, you have no more any excuses to not lay comments ! (just click the word "comment" in the blue text at the end of any post to lay a comment on it, it's easy !)

Comments will however still be monitored to keep out rude people and/or personal attacks,  as I plan to publish soon some posts about more polemical subjects, that could stir agressive reactions from people disagreeing with my roaring free-minded opinions and getting their hackles up...

BDSM Humour : Kinky Quotes

I  just came across an hilarious post by Mitdasein on the Domination and Mastery website, it gave me  a big laugh and really made my day so I wish to share it with you ,  dear readers of my brand-new blog :

http://dominationandmastery.wordpress.com/2010/02/02/kinky-wilde-isms/

I especially liked this one :

"Kinksters refuse to be constrained by the pointless rules and expectations of mundane society, preferring to be constrained by the pointless rules and expectations of other kinksters."

That one too (special dedicace to my friend Cat) :

"Masters spend the first part of training teaching you how to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling you to sit down and shut up."

And last but not least that third one, sometimes true according to my personal experience :

"Submissives begin by resisting a Dom’s advances and end by blocking his retreat."


PS : Happy Beltane Day to you all, may your inner fire bring you purification and renewal !